I am become Alex, Defeater of Rats

And the rats fell before me like wheat to the scythe

There I was, sweat streaming down my brow as I shielded my eyes from the low sun and gazed across the rippling waves of grain. I cut a strong - no, majestic! I cut a majestic profile!

Where was I. I cut a majestic profile against the distant hills. There! Finally, what I was looking for - a rustle of movement in the bushes. The sun burned a deeper shade of gold as it lowered farther into the crucible. My breathe became one with the gentle breeze. More motion in the bushes - first one, then another furry head emerging to test the air. Rats. The rapacious rodents could not contain their ravenous hunger for long and soon a hairy hoard spilled out across the burned stubble at the edge of the field.

Just another moment... hold it... I thought to myself. Rats rely on their incredible sense of smell and keen hearing to detect danger, but I had cunningly placed myself downwind and was holding stiller than the frozen pond in midwinter.

Now! My sling whirred in my hand, unleashing silent devastation. My feet pounded the ground like I eat mother's milk pudding - very fast indeed! My sword flashed to the right and left, leaving the fields strewn with the bloody remnants of the retreating marauders.

Alex! Enough about the rats! No one gives a baboon's ass! Eat your peas.

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