Alessar Retires, QBA Future in Doubt

[As related in The Red Wizard Capital Evening Gazette]

Earlier this week, the quantum bowling community was dealt another shock, as Magus Alessar of the Keep suddenly retired from quasiprofessional quantum bowling. In an uncharacteristically brief letter to the press, Alessar simply announced “That’s it, I’m out.” Following last week’s incident at the Psychic Leap Championships, supporters are questioning whether this is the end for the Quantum Bowling Association.

Interim QBA Commissioner Sylvio of the Dread Tower was quick to defend the Association, noting “The QBA is larger than any one wizard, and we have a talented pool of bowlers who are eager to explore the game, discover its rules, and compete for Insights. We look forward to another exciting season in the Chase for the Diviner’s Cup and the greatest prize of all: Knowledge.”

Other observers were less sanguine. Wizard #148, who first saw Alessar spin up at last month’s Bombs Over the Brine and is discussing plans to miniaturize the game for tavern play, claimed “The propagandists can say whatever they want: Alessar IS the QBA.”

The Bowling Authority had no comment.

Exploding onto the scene

The community first took notice of Alessar when the apprentice Magus from the Blue Wizard Bastion brought a crystal ball to the Tower Tournament, instead of the customary tungsten. Several Bowling Authority judges moved for an immediate disqualification, but after Alessar mounted a three-hour defense of his proposal, in the speech now known as “On Crystalline Structures in Indeterminate Fields,” the Bowling Authority Safety Committee assented to the unorthodox equipment.

We know now this was merely a result of their desire to get on with things, but when Alessar claimed an Insight in only the third fraction, the Bowling Authority Knowledge Committee had their apprentices send copies of the speech out for further study. While scholars found numerous flaws in the arguments (Alessar would later claim he had ad libbed the entire speech), few disagreed with the fundamental conclusion: Crystal was better.

Crystal balls had been used since quantum bowling’s early days to assist bowlers in their pursuit of Bowling Knowledge, but only as tools for scrying and other such methods of divination, and always comfortably in the safe zone outside the lanes. Their potential use as reaction agents marked a radical shift in bowling theory.

A star is born

If Alessar’s only contribution to quantum bowling had been the introduction of crystal balls directly into the lanes, he would have already cemented his place in the Book of Lore. But he is by now as famous for his artistic flair and antagonism as he is for his more technical contributions.

A keen wordsmith, Alessar established countless nicknames for himself, including Big Sar, Sweet Sar, True Purp, Sir Smoke, The Polished Lord, Omnichromatico, Kid Indigo, The Lane Itself, and Messy Lessy, among others, including those not suitable for print.

He was no less prolific with names for the balls he used, from “Pleasure Principle” to “Mood Control.”

“Ball’s got to have a name, baby,” Alessar remarked in one interview. “A name enhances observational capacity, lowers entropy. These are foremost among our concerns when getting down in the lanes.”

And while other competitors would try, particularly once the QBA organized, few could match Alessar’s flair for catchphrases, such as “Baby, that’s it!” or “Keenly observed!” or “Freeze fraaaaaaaaaaaame!”

Others have remained less appreciative of Alessar’s flourishes. “It’s distracting, for one, but it’s also non-regulation interference,” said one blue hat bowler, who commented anonymously out of fear of not being invited to any potential retirement parties. “And it makes the rest of our negotiations with sponsors very difficult.”

Yet the more he thumbed his nose at detractors, the higher his star rose. Soon, the crowds grew, speculators took interest, and Powerful Wizards began to speak of money prize tournaments.

Quasiprofessionalization and the beginning of the end?

When the Quantum Bowling Association charter was drawn, it was only natural that Alessar be one of the first wizards to earn his tour runes and enter the inaugural Chase for the Diviners Cup. And while the Association managed to attract some of the more well known and marketable bowlers to the roster, the Bowling Authority blanched at the commercialization of the game and moved to limit the QBA’s influence.

The first big blow came when the Knowledge Committee declared any Insights gleaned would be judged non-canonical and invalid for the prestigious Bowling Knowledge designation. This caused a firestorm of debate across the spectrum, with skeptics arguing that a fairly-observed Insight was always definitionally canonical, and that the Authority was overstepping its authority.

Despite the shadow of illegitimacy that dogged the Association, the QBA got things rolling in style with the Red Wizard Capital Classic, the Big Bowl at the Atoll, Bombs Over the Brine, and the unforgettable Bastion City Limits. It was there that Alessar claimed an Insight in the unlucky thirteenth fraction, pointed directly at the Blue Wizard Bastion, and uttered the infamous words: “Can you say… Knowledge!?”

The Authority could not ignore this insult on their own doorstep. Alessar was blackballed, the Knowledge Committee convened to debate the merits of Knowledge derived from Alessar’s Insights, and several sponsors pulled their funding. A pall lay on the QBA heading into the first ever championship weekend. Would they would acknowledge the Authority’s blackball over their biggest star and Insights leader, or would Alessar be allowed to compete?

But then, of course, Alessar never even showed up.

There are no winners

While the investigation into the wave form collapse at the Psychic Leap Championships continues, Alessar’s retirement could not have come at a worse time for the QBA. And while Alessar himself has yet to explain the decision, speculation is rife.

“He’s retiring because he’s the one that did it,” one tavern-goer argued. “I dunno how, but he made that tunnel collapse and he knows it.”

Others are less certain. “The Bastion got to him,” said Wizard #148. “It’s the only thing that fits. Watch he gets a promotion, then you’ll know.”

Entered by: 0xC56C…C0d1 and preserved on chain (see transaction)