A Very Unlikely Friend
"Before we dive into my affairs, may I first inquire about your rather unique dialect?" Nicolas asked, his curiosity piqued.
"Brooklyn," Peppy replied with a raspy chuckle, his laughter as gravelly as a well-trodden path. "You've never heard of it, and trust me, you'll likely never set foot there. That, and a lifetime of Lucky Strikes," he added, his voice dripping with dry humor. "So, let’s cut to the chase. What can I do ya for?"
Feeling a rare sense of relief at encountering someone so refreshingly candid, Nicolas began to open up about his experiences.
"My old world was quite similar to this one, at least before I found myself here. But this place... it's far more hostile than anything I've ever known. I've been trying to make sense of it all, but I can't quite grasp my purpose, or where I—"
Peppy interrupted with an exaggerated snore, echoing through the shop like a grumpy thundercloud.
"Look, pal, I ain't your therapist," Peppy drawled, rolling his eyes. "Spare me the sob story. I’m only interested in how I can help, not how you’re feelin’. I’ve already sat through your life saga, and I’m not lookin’ for a sequel."
Nicolas hesitated, searching for words that wouldn’t provoke another witty retort.
Peppy, with a smirk, continued, "You've been wanderin' around for what, a day or two? Maybe you oughta take a step back?" He pointed a clawed finger at the Eternal Rose on Nicolas' belt. "And, y'know... smell the roses?" He waggled his eyebrows, chuckling at his own joke.
Nicolas forced a laugh, tinged with sarcasm. "I've yet to meet one of your kind who isn't infuriating."
Peppy’s humor faded, his tone turning sharp. "Let’s steer clear of the racism in my shop, alright?" He said, clearly unamused. "Now, let me take a wild guess here—based on your little tale: you crossed the desert from Yellow Wizard Haven, stumbled upon some thugs loiterin’ next to a pile of human remains, figured they wouldn't be trouble, and have no clue what a quantum shadow is... Sounds like you’re lost and need directions, am I right?" Peppy paused, his eyes wide and expectant.
Nicolas, dumbfounded by Peppy's bluntness, realized for the first time just how absurd his journey had become. The reality of it all struck him like a cold breeze.
It was a gust of wind, Nicolas fibbed to Peppy (and himself). "One of the wizards at the keep told me to head northwest, to find my purpose there." If Peppy knew he was following the whim of a mere gust of wind, he'd probably tell him to get lost.
Peppy eyed him skeptically. "A yellow wizard told you to just head northwest?" he echoed, clearly not buying it. "Well, I’m not sure what that 'wizard' was thinking, but to the northwest..."
Peppy pulled out a map so enormous it seemed impossible it had been hidden beneath his desk. With a dramatic flourish, he rolled it out, revealing a complex, ever-shifting landscape. The map was clearly enchanted, with borders and landmarks that shimmered and changed as one looked at it. Nicolas couldn't help but marvel at Peppy’s apparent mastery of spatial magic—though whether it was all part of an elaborate joke or genuine convenience was still unclear. He wondered what other bizarre magical curiosities lay hidden in this paradox of a store.
Peppy pointed to various locations on the map. "If you were at Yellow Wizard Keep, northwest brought you to this crossroads. To the west is the Red Wizard Capital. A bit further north, you've got the Skylord Rookery—home to those pesky Raven Heads. Northeast is Hedge Wizard Wood, which, if you ask me, is probably your best bet. And further northwest..." Peppy hesitated, choosing his words carefully. "...well, let’s just say if you’re already not a fan of this world’s hostility, you might want to steer clear of that direction."
Nicolas considered his options. The term "Crow Head" meant nothing to him, but Hedge Wizard Wood rang a bell. He recalled hearing about the hedge wizards who led the Order of the Eternal Rose, and even the judge at the keep had hinted at its importance.
"Hmm..." Nicolas mused aloud. "The red-hatted wizard I mentioned, maybe he could help me understand the directions I was given. I suppose the capital is my best option."
Peppy rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed. "Let me guess—nobody actually told you to just 'go northwest.' But considering the red wizard hasn’t booted you out or tried to kill you on sight—unlike most others—that’s probably your safest bet. Maybe I can help you put a name to the face? What did this guy look like?"
"A red hat and a white beard," Nicolas offered.
"Well, that narrows it down to every last one of 'em!" Peppy snorted, raising his eyebrows in mock surprise.
Nicolas thought for a moment. "He was wearing a red and gray poncho, kind of like mine. Disappeared into the sands and conjured portals. Now that I think about it, he had an aura similar to yours. There's definitely some spatial magic at play here. Can you sense traces of similar magics?"
Peppy’s eyes widened as if pieces of a puzzle were falling into place. After a long pause, he finally spoke, "What are you, some kind of weirdo, lover boy? We just locked eyes for like a minute there. Buy me dinner first before you start romancin' me!" he quipped, feigning a blush with dramatic flair.
He laughed and continued, "But seriously, that does ring a bell. There’s a red wizard, 'coincidentally' named Nikolas—" Peppy intentionally mispronounced the word. "He’s the one who taught me how to wield spatial magic. Bit of a mentor, really. Don't think I'd still be breathin' without his guidance. He’s a real master of ley lines, realities, dimensions, realms—all that fun stuff. If anyone can help you figure out what you’re doin’ here, it’s him."
Nicolas smirked, throwing a playful jab of his own. "Didn’t think to mention that sooner?"
Peppy shot back with a smirk of his own. "He’s a friend. Friends who send their pals shell-shocked strangers from another world on a whim don’t tend to stay friends for long."
Nicolas chuckled, feeling a newfound trust in this peculiar kobold.
"Anywho," Peppy continued, his tone shifting to one of mild irritation as he noticed Nicolas suppressing another grin, "there are a few red hats hangin’ around the port near Omega Oxbow—a big bend in the river, can’t miss it. They all wear the same silly hat, though, so finding him might be tricky. But if you can’t find him, trust me, he’ll find you. From what you’ve said, sounds like he’s already got an eye on you."
Before Nicolas could express his thanks, the door burst open, and two other kobolds stormed in, their faces painted with war marks, their attire rugged and battle-worn. One of them slammed a broken sword on the counter, shouting, "Peppy, you sold me junk! This sword broke on the first kill!"
Peppy reached under his desk, and Nicolas caught the faint sound of buzzing and clicking... almost like a clock winding down.
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The Pyromancer and The Robot
"...ZzzzKSzzddrt..." the blue-hued automaton whirred to life.
Nicolas, deeply engrossed in what had been the most fascinating conversation since his arrival in this peculiar realm, hadn't noticed the mechanical humanoid standing sentinel in the corner of the tent. Bewildered by the swirling spatial anomalies so abundant in Peppy’s Place, he must have overlooked it during his initial scan of the area. Or, he mused, perhaps the robot had been cleverly concealed in some hidden compartment until now?
"...ZZzzzThreatzz detected, commencing combat protocol."
In mere moments, chaos erupted, though Nicolas found it a marvel to behold. Having unleashed his magical prowess in such hostile fashion back at the bridge, and witnessing the mayhem at The Crag, he had developed a certain taste for the combative arts. Ever since crossing that ominous bridge, his fear of wielding magic in battle had melted away, replaced by something... almost like desire.
...
"Hey, Buddy!" Peppy’s voice cut through Nicolas’s reverie. "Mind lending a f#$%ing hand?!" Peppy was already channeling a spell, warping the very fabric of space in a tiny area above the desk he sat at.
Nicolas reacted quickly. Excited at the opportunity to use his magic for combat again, he began conjuring. Planning on enacting the same spell he had earlier with the thugs at the bridge, he searched for where he could pull moisture from in the crossroads to incite the mud formation. He felt the influence of the shadow, again. Considering the situation, he debated accepting it's radiance. He could tell it was offering him an advantage in this situation.
Peppy became perturbed, interrupting his train of thought. He glanced at Nicolas and was hit with a cold shock, visibly indicated by his sudden shuddering.
"On second thought, I've got it covered. Stay out of my way!" Peppy commanded.
Peppy’s focus redirected, now locked on his robotic companion. As the spell reached its zenith, the gate to one of the cages in the back burst open, releasing a brown chimpanzee alongside what appeared to be a miniature buffalo. They charged at the thugs with wild abandon. Without losing focus, Peppy began to channel another spell, simultaneously reaching for a staff adorned with a red firework at its tip.
Keeping one eye on the rampaging animals and the other on the robot, Peppy sparked the firework with a flicker of flame from his fingertips, just as the robot made its first move. Nicolas instinctively shut his eyes, bracing for a gory spectacle. But when no screams or splatters followed, he dared to peek.
To his—and the thugs'—astonishment, the robot's blade phased through its target, creating not carnage but a shimmering tear in the very fabric of space in front of them.
"What is this madness?! This robot’s a joke! The blasted thing can't even cut—OOF!" The tiny bison and the chimp, with perfect synchronization, rammed into the thug, sending him sprawling into his partner. The spatial rift trailed him, as though magically tethered, as he collided with his comrade. The robot then executed a nimble backflip and swiveled its head 180 degrees to lock gazes with Peppy and Nicolas.
"...zzZzwqqwzzNOWzzZdzdzz..." the robot intoned, signaling Peppy with a peculiar urgency.
Peppy, radiating a confidence so potent it could fell a dragon, and with a gleam in his eye that seemed conjured by pure magic, smirked. "Now, watch closely. Your friend with the red hat showed me this little trick." The smaller rift he opened earlier expanded a little, mirroring the one left in the wake of the robot's strike, right before his staff.
..
FOOOOOSSSSHHH
A bolt of fire, an uncanny mimicry of the firework perched atop Peppy’s staff, shot through the rift, vanishing for a heartbeat before reappearing as a dazzling explosion of sparks and sulfur. The blast sent the thugs rolling out of the tent, scorched and singed. Peering out the door, Nicolas caught sight of one thug regaining his senses. He quickly grabbed his partner and bolted.
...
Peppy chuckled, attempting to dispel the confusion etched on Nicolas’s face. He gestured toward the robot, now gently petting and reassuring the two animals that had so valiantly headbutted the thug.
"His name’s Waldo. Another byproduct of this whole technological singularity that’s dumped us in this wacky world," Peppy grinned. "Waldo here was dubbed 'Cutter of Zero' by the geniuses who built him. He was crafted on the day of the singularity, and it must have scrambled his circuits something fierce."
Nicolas could see how Peppy had turned what many would consider a defect into an asset. "One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, right?" he ventured, expecting Peppy’s agreement.
To his surprise, Peppy responded with a deadpan expression, "Waldo is not trash." ... Breaking into laughter, Peppy continued, "I'm just messin' with ya! He is a piece of junk, but he’s my partner in crime."
Nicolas wasn’t entirely sure whether Peppy meant crime literally or figuratively.
Peppy continued, "The magic infused into Waldo prevents him from physically touching anyone with even a hint of magical affinity. With a bit of help from your red-hatted friend, I figured out how to sync with the spatial rifts his attacks create." He paused, considering his words. "I know, it’s not the clearest explanation, but it’s how I make sense of it. Being naturally gifted with fire magic, we've developed quite the battle tactic."
Nicolas was awestruck by Peppy’s explanation. For the first time, he truly appreciated the bizarre beauty of this new reality.
He began to ask for more details, "How did you me—"
Peppy cut him off. "Hate to rush ya, pal, but you should skedaddle before those dolts come back with reinforcements. These things usually drag on all day until they lose enough brain cells to forget what’s happening." He looked at Nicolas sincerely. "It was truly a pleasure meeting you. I hope our paths cross again, my friend!" Peppy started ushering Nicolas out with exaggerated hand gestures.
"Thank you, Peppy!" Nicolas called out, grabbing Gus, who had been making fast friends with the chimp and the miniature bison, before dashing out of the tent.
Feeling invigorated, more determined, and with newfound confidence in his path forward, Nicolas began his journey west, toward the Red Wizard Capital.
...
Back at Peppy’s Shop
...
"Waldo... I fear the man's curiosity is already tainted. The shadow grows ever stronger," Peppy sighed.
Waldo attempted a response, "...z.z..zzzz What can we do.. zzz .z .ZZ?"
"We’ll leave it to the red-hatted man for now. I got a bad feeling, though, as he started readying whatever he was casting and when he left just now."
Their discussion suddenly interrupted by a loud bang—a pot, rusted through at the bottom, had clattered to the ground. Remnants of food from the pot scattered all over the floor.
"PEPPY! I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS FOR SELLING ME THIS JUNK! OUR PARTY’S SUPPER IS RUINED ‘CAUSE IT FELL RIGHT THROUGH THE BOTTOM!"
Peppy, snapping back into business mode, hollered back, "ALL SALES ARE FINAL, PAL! BUT COME ON IN, LET'S SEE HOW FAR YOU GET! YOU OWE ME FOR MAKING A MESS OF MY FLOOR"
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