All Conquered Out Warrior Seeks Kind and Caring Life Partner For Chilled Out Sundays and More

Hello reader, I am Sita. I am a 29 year old conqueror originally from the mountains, but now hail from the Northern Grasslands. I enjoy spending my days off from work walking my dog through the toadstools, stopping along the way to puff on my pipe and eat snacks. Who doesn't like snacks!! If you don't like snacks then stop reading right now.

Anyways, I travel a lot for work. I am a conqueror by the way, which sounds bad but trust me, some of those guys that met Betsey, deserved it. Betsey has been a big part of my life, she's always there when I need her most, she's sharp, quick, well balanced and most of all, she makes me look like a real badass. If you didn't already guess, Betsey is my Falchion, my sword, my work tool, and my bottle opener.

With me traveling a lot for work I have lost touch with most of my old friends. At first I didn't care, I just thought they were jealous of all the trophies I returned home with and how I was getting to see so much of the Runiverse. But as I have matured, I realised they went jellose, they were scared of what I had become. They stopped sending me owls and calling by my burrow when I was home. Thats when I got my dog, Jelly. Hes f'kn awesome, except when that sneaky lil fluffpot eats all my snacks! I like snacks, don't know if I mentioned it, but damm, give me snacks!.

Sorry, I got snack tracked again. Once all my friends stopped, well, being my friend. I really started to get into walking. Most of the time I travel, its normally by elephant or whatever other beast we have enslaved, I rarely get to walk on my own two feet. (My feet are gorgeous by the way, if that's your thing.) Walking through the Toadstools really gave me a sense of being grounded and one with nature. Its hard to take in the surroundings at work, when me and Betsey are kicking ass and slaying douchebags. So its nice to leave Betsey at home sometimes when am back home and just watch the fairies in the trees and listen to the sounds of nature, rather than the sounds of cowards screaming.

I guess I better cut to the chase. I know i'm not old, but i'm not a spring chicken either. Yum, I love chicken. Chicken snacks are the best! I need to find someone who wants some of the same things in life as me. Problem is, I don't even know what I want in life so how can I expect to find someone who is everything I want and more. Just for ease, I think I will make a list. Lists are efficient, efficiency is key. If your not efficient then don't even read my list, your already dead to me.

List of Desirable Qualities

1. Must love snacks

2. Has a beard, not like a big fuck off Gandalf beard but more than a 5 o clock shadow if you know what I mean

3. Likes to go for walks, long ones, with a bag of snacks

4. Dosent mind that I like a good puff on my hash pipe and even better, puffs on my hash pipe with me. Who knows, maybe I'll have a puff on yours, if you play your cards right

5. Is not a vegan, well ok, some vegans will be considered, as long as your not one of these extremist vegans. Meat snacks are one of my favorite

6. Must love SNACKS

7. Doesn't get freaked out at the sight of blood, because sometimes when I get home from work, damm, my sari looks like a vampire used it as a bib

8. Knows how to swim, if you don't know how to swim, how have you survived this long in life. I mean you don't need to take part in the forgotten Olympics or anything, but I don't need to worry about saving your ass when we go to the beach

9. Eats breakfast, you gotta have breakfast. You gotta eat lunch and dinner too. Then you gotta eat all those little tasty bites in between, they're called snacks. Snacks are my favorite

10. Knows how to change a lightbulb

11. Drinks beer, not like an alcoholic or anything, but damm, I love me an ice cold sudd

12. Likes dogs. I will always put Jelly first, you best be alright with this, if not, you know where the door is

13. I don't know how many times I said it now, but, you must like snacks, OK!!!

14. Dosent drink fluffy coffee, you know, asks for syrup and shit in there. Coffee should taste like coffee, adding sugar and frilly syrpes is a crime. If you need sweetness in there, then you should stick to your Kool-Aid

15. Is not a fussy eater, I ain't got time for you to be telling me I don't like this and I don't like that. Stop being a food terrioist and fucking eat it. Also, you better bring me snacks

Congratulations to you if you're still here after reading my list. I know I must sound like an absolute psycho, but that's because I am an absolute psycho. Damm, I'm not selling myself well here but, hey, at least I am honest. If you think you're the kinda person I need in my life, then hit me up. I'm a pretty open minded kinda warrior so I'll hear you out.

P.s If you talk about snacks, I am all yours.

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